"How many times have you heard a guy say his ex-girlfriend is crazy, an airhead or psycho?
Maybe if you men took note of certain indicators pointing to crazy, airhead or psycho, you wouldn't end up in a blunder of bad relationships making you quiver just thinking about them.
Never trust a girl who:
Has children who call you Daddy upon the first meeting. Clearly she told them you're the new father. Prepare for a phone call from Maury producers if you keep it past date three and then try to break it off.
Says she's over her ex-boyfriend...of last month. No way. They dated for how long she said? Two years? You're definitely the rebound. She's trying to get over him and make him jealous by posting status updates all over her Facebook about you; followed with a thousand hearts.
Maybe if you men took note of certain indicators pointing to crazy, airhead or psycho, you wouldn't end up in a blunder of bad relationships making you quiver just thinking about them.
Never trust a girl who:
Has children who call you Daddy upon the first meeting. Clearly she told them you're the new father. Prepare for a phone call from Maury producers if you keep it past date three and then try to break it off.
Says she's over her ex-boyfriend...of last month. No way. They dated for how long she said? Two years? You're definitely the rebound. She's trying to get over him and make him jealous by posting status updates all over her Facebook about you; followed with a thousand hearts.
You mention that you don't want a commitment right now, but want to keep that "special something" you two share in which she sheepishly agrees. Right.
Don't for a second believe she didn't already think of you as her boyfriend in her head, plan on introducing you to her friends and family as well as formally announcing herself "in a relationship;" on social networks that is. Prepare for a Fatal Attraction bunny boiling bitch in your kitchen; don't keep someone around who isn't on the same page (signs pointing to the end of a romance novel? A deeply hesitant "oh, me too," and an unsuccessful try at concealing teary eyes).
She scares all the children at one of your family gatherings with an unasked for re-enactment of the monkeys in The Wizard of Oz. As they run, so should you. That's not normal.
She knows everything about you before you told her. Thank Facebook. She should be as surprised as Macaulay culkin when he is left home alone as you tell her you're a Texan native fresh out of the Peace Corpes.
Laughs at everything you say because she has a "morbid" sense of humor. Sure, knock knock jokes are funny but not your missing dog. No one isthat soul-less.
Her entire TiVo history is nothing but The Hills and The City. Ask her who our vice president is.
The last book she read was Cosmopolitan.
She checks herself out in toasters, knives, black computer screens and the back of your iPod. The nerve. She cares more about herself than your existence as she throws her coat on you before dinner mistaking you for a doorman.
She thinks your paycheck is her new Coach purse. Life is not a Coach purse honey; get a job and stop being so tasteless.
You've never seen her eat. Everyone eats. Don't fall for the: but I have a weird condition, I don't eat food, I just drink water. She is a liar. Invite her on a camping trip and see how long she goes before passing out.
Whatever reason you keep crazy pants around--maybe she's good in bed or she's pretty to look at--it's not worth having to change your phone number and join the witness protection program when things go awry. Trust me."
She scares all the children at one of your family gatherings with an unasked for re-enactment of the monkeys in The Wizard of Oz. As they run, so should you. That's not normal.
She knows everything about you before you told her. Thank Facebook. She should be as surprised as Macaulay culkin when he is left home alone as you tell her you're a Texan native fresh out of the Peace Corpes.
Laughs at everything you say because she has a "morbid" sense of humor. Sure, knock knock jokes are funny but not your missing dog. No one isthat soul-less.
Her entire TiVo history is nothing but The Hills and The City. Ask her who our vice president is.
The last book she read was Cosmopolitan.
She checks herself out in toasters, knives, black computer screens and the back of your iPod. The nerve. She cares more about herself than your existence as she throws her coat on you before dinner mistaking you for a doorman.
She thinks your paycheck is her new Coach purse. Life is not a Coach purse honey; get a job and stop being so tasteless.
You've never seen her eat. Everyone eats. Don't fall for the: but I have a weird condition, I don't eat food, I just drink water. She is a liar. Invite her on a camping trip and see how long she goes before passing out.
Whatever reason you keep crazy pants around--maybe she's good in bed or she's pretty to look at--it's not worth having to change your phone number and join the witness protection program when things go awry. Trust me."
Thank you, Jessica!
3 comments:
: ] I have to ask...since I saw your profile reading "bay area and Journalism..." Do you go to S.F. State?
I used to for Journalism...I'm finishing my upper grad elsewhere though. I wasn't happy with the program and classes at SFSU got cut really bad due to CSU budget cuts. Miss the city like crazy though.
I love this
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